I've been waking up early at around 7am these past few days to rush through notes for my O'level Literature student whose papers start in a week's time. It is an effort because not only do I have to wake up early but it is also a mental exercise I'm undertaking.
After that, it's tuition and church, depending on which day it is. By the time the day ends, I'm pooped and it was so apparent to the point that I fell down at a restaurant. Though it wasn't my first time there, I tripped over steps leading to the seat. I can only attribute my embarrassment in front of 2 families to sheer fatigue.
Thankfully, I didn't affect anyone else but myself in the process. There was no domino effect as a girl next to me had a bowl of soup in front of her. If I had hit her, I don't know if anyone would be injured as a result. Oh, I'm fine, no injury.
I tried to sleep and pray but I'm still exhausted. I think I need a spiritual retreat or at least some personal time. It's quite serious because I get irritated easily and neglect others' feelings. It seems that I have so many preoccupations to deal with though.
I also tried to start planning for Christmas and getting into the mood but these're temporary measures.
I still haven't finished my Literature notes though but I don't want to plunge into them when I'm in this state. My productivity will be lower than normal.
I've received my choir schedule for the year-end. It's worse than usual because of this extra performance based on my church's patron saint. Sigh... I think I'll get even more burnt out than I already am.
Though there're days when we're free, it's still very tight. I'm leaving for a trip which deprives me of a number of rehearsals and that means that I've to do a crash course when I return. I'm most worried about the choreography but what comes to mind as I type this is that I've to cling to God with all this hustle thrown at me. I need Him for strength and zeal.
I've to change my tuition lessons in accordance with this schedule. Everything's topsy-turvy.
Our concert's not the ultimate thing but Christmas midnight mass two days later. I reckon carolling sessions will fall in between or on Christmas Day itself. Even if I can hang on till after Christmas ends, I think I'll fall sick. I cannot forget the shopping and preparing of cards and presents for the occasion as well.
God! Help me! Though it keeps me busy, it can affect my health adversely. :S
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Friday, November 04, 2005
No more home alone
My parents came back yesterday. I was a little paranoid because they were an hour later than expected. I also thought I had heard my mum calling me. Thankfully I was at home to receive them.
When my mum came out of the car, she smiled at me and that moment revealed to me a most ravishing and sweet smile. I had never known how pretty she was amd though she had just sat through a gruelling 14-hour flight, she didn't look haggard. Her hair was not messy and it was nicely curled at her nape.
They bought so many fattening and unhealthy things. There were delicious and syrup-sweet wafers and chocolates. I told my mum to give them away. I had gotten used to eating healthily when they were away and am still continuing the habit of doing so.
The photographs have been developed and I'm glad to see that my dad took a picture of the crucifix made out of salt in the mine they went to. More importantly, he took pictures of Pope John Paul II and the Blessed Sacrament, people very close to my heart.
Well, now that they are back, I know I'll gain back the weight I had lost while they were away. Sigh. I know they make sure I eat well because I've to go to my students' houses and hence the weight gain. Also, I meet my friends for dinner at mostly expensive places and I get to eat home-cooked food only when my parents're away. Oh well.
When my mum came out of the car, she smiled at me and that moment revealed to me a most ravishing and sweet smile. I had never known how pretty she was amd though she had just sat through a gruelling 14-hour flight, she didn't look haggard. Her hair was not messy and it was nicely curled at her nape.
They bought so many fattening and unhealthy things. There were delicious and syrup-sweet wafers and chocolates. I told my mum to give them away. I had gotten used to eating healthily when they were away and am still continuing the habit of doing so.
The photographs have been developed and I'm glad to see that my dad took a picture of the crucifix made out of salt in the mine they went to. More importantly, he took pictures of Pope John Paul II and the Blessed Sacrament, people very close to my heart.
Well, now that they are back, I know I'll gain back the weight I had lost while they were away. Sigh. I know they make sure I eat well because I've to go to my students' houses and hence the weight gain. Also, I meet my friends for dinner at mostly expensive places and I get to eat home-cooked food only when my parents're away. Oh well.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Physical Fatigue and Solitude
The major event as well as lack of rest, coupled with work, had left me wrapped up in a veil of extreme tiredness.
Immediately after the event, I went home to change before going off to meet a friend for lunch. Though I was emotionally and spiritually refreshed, I was not refreshed, physically. Then I did stuff and slept late that night.
After work the next day, I was so tired that I slept really early at 9.35pm. I had to wake up early the morning after.
However I was still drowsy later in the afternoon the day after. It was not a sound nap though. I woke up in a fit of intense sleepiness due to a neighbour's car. I didn't even bother to do my chores, leaving it to later in the evening. Now I'm better.
I watch this Chinese serial every Sunday night at 11pm. The previous episode showed a discussion between 3 men on the meaning of solitude.
It is not loneliness owing to a loved one's death or alienation due to being the only one surviving in a battle. It is being the only person on earth.
This is an interesting perspective of the term. Solitude was what Adam and Eve went through then, when they were first made, since the other living things around them were non-human.
Immediately after the event, I went home to change before going off to meet a friend for lunch. Though I was emotionally and spiritually refreshed, I was not refreshed, physically. Then I did stuff and slept late that night.
After work the next day, I was so tired that I slept really early at 9.35pm. I had to wake up early the morning after.
However I was still drowsy later in the afternoon the day after. It was not a sound nap though. I woke up in a fit of intense sleepiness due to a neighbour's car. I didn't even bother to do my chores, leaving it to later in the evening. Now I'm better.
I watch this Chinese serial every Sunday night at 11pm. The previous episode showed a discussion between 3 men on the meaning of solitude.
It is not loneliness owing to a loved one's death or alienation due to being the only one surviving in a battle. It is being the only person on earth.
This is an interesting perspective of the term. Solitude was what Adam and Eve went through then, when they were first made, since the other living things around them were non-human.
Discovery of self has not ceased
I still have expectations placed upon me in areas where I thought had ended with the passing of time and been left in the past.
I was asked to render assistance to the person in charge of an event, probably due to experience. There were consultations and supervisory tasks from others as well. Of course, there were areas in which I showed wanting. However my fortes were reaffirmed.
I rediscovered my way of working. I'm not inclined to performing under too much pressure and expectation. I lead best in a setting where I'm allowed to be free, to be trusted. Then my leadership characteristic comes out naturally.
I do have dreadful feelings towards major projects like this one for instance. In order to aim at efficiency and logistical perfection, feelings can be brushed aside or on the contrary, fears can inhibit effort so as not to spoil the picture.
It came to a point for me that I showed physical signs of giving way and had to take unofficial time off to spend time in prayer for strength. I couldn't confront my fear even though I could have. My age and seniority give me no excuse. Also, I had a differing perspective towards a logistical issue with one of my juniors. Though we thought we were right, I decided to give way to her because I didn't want to distrust her ability. It was truly an act of humility but I know Mary inspired me to.
Through it all, I had angels with me. From close friends, mutual fellowship and acknowledged gratitude to extra help offered, they were appearing before my eyes. Of course my limited awareness failed to recognise the goodwill.
After the event had ended, the chaos and unrest associated with it overwhelmed me to the extent that I yearned for silence within me. I took some time to verbalise my thoughts over it, there being a negative experience of being taken for granted. Such is the human journey. We NEED to be silent within because the external world never stops moving. This will affect our peace. We need to recharge ourselves so that we can deal with it once more.
I was asked to render assistance to the person in charge of an event, probably due to experience. There were consultations and supervisory tasks from others as well. Of course, there were areas in which I showed wanting. However my fortes were reaffirmed.
I rediscovered my way of working. I'm not inclined to performing under too much pressure and expectation. I lead best in a setting where I'm allowed to be free, to be trusted. Then my leadership characteristic comes out naturally.
I do have dreadful feelings towards major projects like this one for instance. In order to aim at efficiency and logistical perfection, feelings can be brushed aside or on the contrary, fears can inhibit effort so as not to spoil the picture.
It came to a point for me that I showed physical signs of giving way and had to take unofficial time off to spend time in prayer for strength. I couldn't confront my fear even though I could have. My age and seniority give me no excuse. Also, I had a differing perspective towards a logistical issue with one of my juniors. Though we thought we were right, I decided to give way to her because I didn't want to distrust her ability. It was truly an act of humility but I know Mary inspired me to.
Through it all, I had angels with me. From close friends, mutual fellowship and acknowledged gratitude to extra help offered, they were appearing before my eyes. Of course my limited awareness failed to recognise the goodwill.
After the event had ended, the chaos and unrest associated with it overwhelmed me to the extent that I yearned for silence within me. I took some time to verbalise my thoughts over it, there being a negative experience of being taken for granted. Such is the human journey. We NEED to be silent within because the external world never stops moving. This will affect our peace. We need to recharge ourselves so that we can deal with it once more.
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