Discovery of self has not ceased

I still have expectations placed upon me in areas where I thought had ended with the passing of time and been left in the past.

I was asked to render assistance to the person in charge of an event, probably due to experience. There were consultations and supervisory tasks from others as well. Of course, there were areas in which I showed wanting. However my fortes were reaffirmed.

I rediscovered my way of working. I'm not inclined to performing under too much pressure and expectation. I lead best in a setting where I'm allowed to be free, to be trusted. Then my leadership characteristic comes out naturally.

I do have dreadful feelings towards major projects like this one for instance. In order to aim at efficiency and logistical perfection, feelings can be brushed aside or on the contrary, fears can inhibit effort so as not to spoil the picture.

It came to a point for me that I showed physical signs of giving way and had to take unofficial time off to spend time in prayer for strength. I couldn't confront my fear even though I could have. My age and seniority give me no excuse. Also, I had a differing perspective towards a logistical issue with one of my juniors. Though we thought we were right, I decided to give way to her because I didn't want to distrust her ability. It was truly an act of humility but I know Mary inspired me to.

Through it all, I had angels with me. From close friends, mutual fellowship and acknowledged gratitude to extra help offered, they were appearing before my eyes. Of course my limited awareness failed to recognise the goodwill.

After the event had ended, the chaos and unrest associated with it overwhelmed me to the extent that I yearned for silence within me. I took some time to verbalise my thoughts over it, there being a negative experience of being taken for granted. Such is the human journey. We NEED to be silent within because the external world never stops moving. This will affect our peace. We need to recharge ourselves so that we can deal with it once more.